Three Emotions That Can Help You Succeed at Your Goals

David DeSteno 

 A professor of psychology at Northwestern University and editor-in-chief of the journal Emotion.

Willpower and grit aren't the best route to persevering at our goals and achieving success; the key is emotion.

(David DeSteno | January 12, 2018)

 We’ve all wished for more willpower sometimes. If only we had more self-control, grit, or the ability to delay gratification, we would be more persistent in pursuing our goals. But there’s a problem with this scenario: Willpower doesn’t usually work. Willpower alone can’t ensure that you’ll delay gratification or resist temptation to achieve your long-term goals. It will fail, and probably just when you need it most.       

Some of you may have already discovered this to be true. Think of the diets you’ve started and stopped, the work assignments you put off to hang out with friends, or the extra beer you had when you wanted to stop at one. These are all instances when willpower failed you.
The problem is that when we are faced with choices between pleasure now and reward in the future, we will often choose the former. That’s because making hard choices is costly in terms of our cognitive resources: The more we have to resist temptation, the more primed we are to give in to it. And the more uncertain we are that our current efforts will pay off, the less likely we are to make the wiser decision. Sacrifice in the present works if future rewards are guaranteed, which they rarely are—and they seem even less so if you grew up in a difficult environment.
So what does help us?
In my new book, Emotional Success, I propose that you cultivate the positive emotions of gratitude, compassion, and pride. Why these emotions? Because they evolved to help us act in “prosocial” (kind and helpful) ways, effortlessly bringing out our better natures and encouraging a long-term view of our present-day actions. And these emotions have three advantages over reason, habits, and willpower: Their strength doesn’t wane after repeated use, they can’t be hijacked to favor immediate rewards, and they improve our decisions in different areas of life at the same time.

Gratitude

My own research has focused on how stimulating gratitude affects behavior, and I’ve found it to be very helpful for self-control.
In a study that was an adult version of Walter Mischel’s famous “marshmallow test,” we asked people to recall a time they felt grateful, happy, or neutral. We then asked them to make several choices of the form: “Would you rather have $X now or $Y in Z days (where Y was always greater than X, and Z varied). We found that feeling grateful almost doubled people’s self-control—they were more willing to wait for the future reward than those who were feeling happy or neutral. These findings mirror a more recent study showing a connection between daily gratitude and greater average patience and self-control. 
Gratitude’s benefits for self-control also extend to being willing to sacrifice to help others. In one experiment, for example, we made some people feel grateful by having an actor come to their aid in solving a problem we had rigged in the lab. After leaving the lab, participants were asked to help out another person with a project that involved doing hard problems. Those who had experienced gratitude volunteered to persevere with the problems longer, in spite of not being watched or paying a price for doing so.
Gratitude leads to perseverance in other contexts, as well. For example, researcher Alice Isen found that doctors who were nudged toward feeling grateful were more willing to spend the time necessary for a proper reading of a patient file, which led to more accurate diagnoses. Other experiments have shown that gratitude helps people be more future-oriented and exhibit more self-control. And, unlike willpower, gratitude doesn’t require much effort—people seem to enjoy it.
How can you increase your gratitude? Keep a gratitude journal, where you write down and reflect on a few things that you are grateful for. Two or three times per week is enough, and it’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or coworker.

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If you have problems being grateful—if you feel that your own hard work was responsible for any success you’ve experienced—try recalling events that were integral to reaching your goals. Maybe you had good mentoring early in your school or work career, or someone helped you financially, or you happened to be in the right place at the right time. Even luck, when reframed in this way, can lead to a feeling of gratitude.

Compassion

While gratitude stems from realizing that others have offered us something of value, compassion is caring about others without having received benefits. Interestingly, compassion also has a prosocial side that seems to help us prepare for a better future—especially if we can direct it toward our future self.
In one study, researchers used face-modeling software to create older versions of young participant faces and then interviewed the participants about their goals in life while they were looking at either their current face or the older version. After the interview, they were asked how they would respond if handed $1,000. Those who had seen their future selves decided to save twice as much for a retirement fund as those who hadn’t (rather than spend it on immediate pleasures). What’s more, the motivation to save increased as the older versions of their face were made to look sad—a change that would induce empathy and compassion.
So compassion for our future self can help us make wise about difficult choices. More compassionate people also seem less reactive toward others.
In one experiment, participants who had played an economics game were given a chance to punish cheaters, and they did so aggressively—something that serves no purpose but vengeance. But if primed to feel compassion first—not for the cheater, but for another participant—they didn’t act out aggressively. This type of self-control stops the normal tit-for-tat that often spirals out of control and causes people to lose out in the long run.
Similarly, self-compassion—compassion directed at oneself—has been found to be motivating, too: Self-compassion results in greater perseverance when people have to solve problems, make moral choices, and face personal weaknesses, compared to simply feeling high self-esteem.
How do we encourage compassion? Meditation can be an effective way—particularly types that focus on compassion and self-compassion. Long-term meditation practice leads to more compassion, but even short-term training can produce a more compassionate response: In one study, participants were more willing to give up their seat to a person on crutches after eight weeks of meditation than those who were waiting to take the meditation class.
Similarly, experiences with other people where we synchronize our movements or goals—such as singing in a choir, dancing together, or competing together—can help build compassion for them. Simply trying to look for commonalities with others, as opposed to emphasizing differences, will go a long way. And, when you are struggling, it helps to show yourself compassion rather than shaming yourself for failures.

Pride

Though perhaps more nuanced than either compassion or gratitude, pride can also help us to achieve our goals—as long as it doesn’t turn to hubris.
Pride is a natural response to successfully accomplishing your goals and being recognized by others for your abilities. When it is authentic, it signals to others that you are a capable and reliable person, which is how it evolved in the first place—as a way to raise one’s status in a group. People with greater authentic pride tend to attain their goals and have higher self-control.
People who are induced to feel pride significantly increase their efforts working on difficult tasks, including the demanding job of being a salesperson. And recent findings showed that when people experienced pride, they reduced their discounting of future rewards in a manner similar to when experiencing gratitude.
But pride can have a downside: It can lead to arrogance if it takes the form of false pride.
We can encourage authentic pride in ourselves and others by recognizing the importance of a growth mindset: the belief that we learn from our mistakes and that effort matters. Praising others who show effort—rather than simply success—can help protect them against hubris, as well.

The real keys to success

While positive emotions like gratitude, compassion, and pride can encourage us to be more persistent in reaching our goals—and help us stay away from immoral behavior—they all have another benefit: nourishing our social relationships, which leads to more success and happiness. In fact, this is the primary reason socially oriented emotions that build self-control exist in the first place: They foster social connection, which often requires cooperation and self-sacrifice.
Cultivating these states in ourselves will increase our motivation to act in ways that benefit others, including our own future selves. So, if you really want to persevere, stop trying to push through with willpower. Instead, start practicing gratitude, compassion, and pride. You—and those around you—will be glad you did.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_emotions_that_can_help_you_succeed_at_your_goals

How to Help Students Develop Hope

By

Vicki Zakrzewski, Ph.D.

  the education director of the Greater Good Science Center.

According to research, hope is key to academic achievement--and it's a skill students can develop over time. Here's how.

“I hope I get an ‘A’ on this test!” How many times have teachers heard these exact words from their students? Goodness knows, most teachers would certainly love for their students to get an A, too!
Well, for teachers eager to help their students get more A’s, research suggests they should help their students get more hope.
Though it may seem like a simple, wishy-washy emotion, research suggests cultivating hope is actually a complicated process—but there are significant rewards for those who make the effort.

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Researchers have found that students who are high in hope have greater academic success, stronger friendships, and demonstrate more creativity and better problem-solving. They also have lower levels of depression and anxiety and are less likely to drop out from school.
But does this mean hope causes these benefits—or couldn’t success in school and in making friends just give students more hope? In fact, studies suggest that having hope may actually predict a student’s future academic achievement more than having feelings of self-worth or a positive attitude towards life actually do.
So how do teachers know which students are high in hope? Easy: They are the students who don’t take failure personally. Instead, they use it to improve their performance next time. They’re also more optimistic, and, in the face of obstacles, they tell themselves, “I can do this. I won’t give up.”
Thankfully, scientists have found that the majority of students in the United States are very hopeful. But what about those who aren’t? Oftentimes, students lose hope as a result of their family circumstances. For example, one study found that students who had witnessed violence against a family member or friend were less hopeful.
The good news is that hope can be cultivated, even among students who are at risk for losing it. But first we have to understand what scientists mean when they talk about hope.
Hope doesn’t mean wishful thinking—as in “I hope I win the lottery.” Instead, a person who is high in hope knows how to do the following things.

• Set clear and attainable goals.
• Develop multiple strategies to reach those goals.
• Stay motivated to use the strategies to attain the goals, even when the going gets tough.

For educators who want to help their students build these skills of hope, here are five research-based guidelines.
1) Identify and prioritize their top goals, from macro to micro. Start by having students create a “big picture” list of what’s important to them—such as their academics, friends, family, sports, or career—and then have them reflect on which areas are most important to them and how satisfied they are with each. Keep in mind that the goals must be what the students want, not what their parents or schools want. Otherwise, as studies suggest, they will quickly lose their interest and/or motivation, especially as they come up against obstacles.
Next, using this list, teach students how to create goals that are both specific and take a positive, solutions-oriented approach. Their goals need to focus on accomplishing something in the future rather than avoiding something now—for instance, “I want to play on the basketball team” is a more effective, motivating goal than “I will stop drinking soda.”
Finally, students should rank their goals in order of importance. Researchers have found that this is particularly vital for students with little hope, as they often attempt any goal that comes to mind, which distracts their focus and energy from the goals that can have the greatest impact on their overall well-being.
2) Breakdown the goals—especially long-term ones—into steps. Research has suggested that students with low hope frequently think goals have to be accomplished all-at-once, possibly because they haven’t had the parental guidance on how to achieve goals in steps. Teaching them how to see their goals as a series of steps will also give students reasons to celebrate their successes along the way—a great way to keep motivation high!
3) Teach students that there’s more than one way to reach a goal. Studies show that one of the greatest challenges for students with low hope is their inability to move past obstacles. They often lack key problem-solving skills, causing them to abandon the quest for their goals.
So teaching them to visualize different paths to their goals will help them get beyond insurmountable barriers. Perhaps most importantly, teachers need to make sure that students don’t equate those barriers with a lack of talent; instead, they need to be reminded that everyone faces obstacles. Success usually requires creative ways to overcome these obstacles, not avoiding them altogether.
4) Tell stories of success. Scientists have found that hopeful students draw on memories of other successes when they face an obstacle; however, students with low hope often don’t have these kinds of memories. That’s why it’s vital for teachers to read books or share stories of other people—especially kids—who have overcome adversity to reach their goals.
5) Keep it light and positive. It’s important to teach students to enjoy the process of attaining their goals, even to laugh at themselves when they face obstacles and make mistakes. Above all, no self-pity! Research has found that students who use positive self-talk, rather than beating themselves up for mistakes, are more likely to reach their goals.
Helping our students cultivate hope might be one of the most important things we do for them. Not only will it help them get more A’s in the short-run; it’ll give them the confidence and creativity to reach their long-term goals in school and in life.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_help_students_develop_hope